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Submitted on
February 21, 2013
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  • Mood: Suffering
  • Eating: banana
  • Drinking: water
I'm frustrated at myself.
I shouldn't feel this way...
I'm surrounded by people who love and care about me.
I shouldn't feel so sick in my chest, or lonely. I should be grateful for what I have, which I am. Thinking about my family and the people I love, I cant help but get a lump in my throat. I've been so blessed. So why do I feel so lost and alone.
It doesn't make any sense...
Maybe something really is wrong with me, I'm not catholic but maybe I should go to a confession just so I can say what I need to say out loud lol.
I dont want to break down...
I hate people worrying about me.
So I smile and laugh and dig deep into myself to cover up the havoc in my chest.
Nobody has any idea how much I struggle with myself when it comes to my attraction to girls.

Maybe I dont put enough effort into myself since I'm always putting effort into other things...
Maybe I really do need a vacation lol.
I really dont like me right now...

I'm supposed to give a talk in church... I dont feel worthy to do so. I dont know why they asked me, I absolutely hate it, I have serious anxiety right now lol.
I feel fragile and vulnerable.... And the topic I'm supposed to talk about isnt one I wish to speak about...

I'm going to Chuckie Cheese Tomorrow...
maybe it'll spur up a happy story?
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:iconladyquindecim:
an untimely response, I know, but here it is anyway...

What she said.
Okay, that was a joke, but yes, "We all feel this way one time or another. don't it get ya down."

I have had so many people go through all kinds of stuff all because of me and my issues. I cannot say that I have gone through the things that you have gone through, but I have known - I do know - the feelings you describe. Deep in our core we know it is wrong to lie or give false truths, but we do that all the time. Time after time with people who we care about and it eats at us from the inside and we cannot get away.

There is a saying, "the truth will set you free" and another that says "he who has nothing to hide has nothing to fear."

Must be nice, eh?

Maybe what you need is not a priest, but a bartender, in the classic sense. I suppose the interwebs is the next best thing.

But I say not a priest because the only difference between talking to one of them and talking to The Big Man on your own is the belief that the priest will grant absolution. But for that, you would have to repent and come clean. In other words, he/she will not be able to offer absolution without you "coming out" and telling the truth to your family. But you are not Catholic, or at least do not do the confession thing, so I am guessing that you figure a priest is not the way to be granted absolution.

My apologies, I typically avoid discussions of religion.
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:iconmacadamiannutjob:
No need for apologies :).
No I'm not catholic. Lol
What you say makes sense.
I quite often talk to the big man since I am quite religious/spiritual.
This was just a low period for me.
And no worries about offending me it takes quite a lot even with religious talk to offend me.
I'm a firm believer in free agency and people's decisions snd choices.
Thank you for commenting I appreciate it.
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:iconokamiangelstar:
I know how you feel. Nothings wrong with you. We all feel this way one time or another. don't it get ya down. *huggles*
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:iconmacadamiannutjob:
Thanks for the encouragement :)
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